Things That Bug Me

*BLOGGER'S NOTE* I have decided that I really like the format of giving a little preamble, and then going into a list as sort of the standard for this blog.  So, I think that's what I'm going to do, at least for the next little while.  If you don't like it, comment, maybe I'll change it.  If you don't like it and don't comment, tough beans, you suck at life. And, that's it.  We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post.

See?  Pleasant.

Now, before I start listing off to all (both?) of you the things that set me off in the worst way and just make me see red and want to punch you in the throat, let me disclaim that I am generally a pleasant person.  Usually, it takes a whole lot to get me angry, like, legitimately throat-punchy angry.  There are, however, a few exceptions.  Exceptions which I will list here.  I realize that by doing so, I'm giving the tens of readers out there a lot of control over my emotions, specifically the boiling lake of anger that usually lies dormant in my heart.  But you guys need to realize that with great power comes great responsibility.  Rice mogul Uncle Ben said that.  So, be warned: If you do any of these things to me on purpose, I will cut you.

With that being said, I trust that you and I will not have any problems in the near future.  Because if we do, the near future may be the only future you have.  I take this stuff seriously.  So, here's the list.

A Year in Review

Well folks, believe me when I say there is nobody who hates to admit failure more than I do.  It just doesn't sit right with me.  With that being said, I admit my failures as a "blogger".  It is my responsibility to provide both of my readers with the entertainment that they so crave and cannot get anywhere else.  And for the past year, I haven't done that.  I've just been busy, okay!? Anyway, for this, I offer my sincerest apologies, and a promise that I will do better.  Or not, you know, whatever I feel like.

One of the more exciting moments of my
year.  The amazing discovery that
Waffle Crisp still exists.  I'm easily
excited.  Mostly by cereal.

Now that that's out of the way, let me just say It's been a freaking year since I started this thing.  That just blows my mind.  I feel like a coma patient that just woke up wondering, "What even happened to that year?" Okay, maybe not to that extent, but still, you get the point (and a year in a coma? That's a really long time).  I don't know what I've accomplished in the past year, or even if I have accomplished anything.  But, I have a blog now, so I'm dang sure gonna find out.  Seriously, I'm going to be grasping at straws here, so if you want to read about one of the more mediocre years of someone's life, continue to read.  If not, go read someone else's blog. But please don't.

Why does Sharples shout?

Easy answer, because he can.  And probably always will be able to.

This is me.  In case you're wondering, I don't play the ukelele.

The hard answer will take a little bit longer to explain.  This isn't my first blog, but I certainly hope it will be the most comprehensive.  So, why am I writing it?  Well, I have decided that I like the way I think. So, I want to give the tens of people who may or may not read this the opportunity, nay, the privilege, to see how I think and why I think the things that I do.  It might get a little crazy in here. Don't be alarmed.

Also, for some reason, I feel an innate desire to chronicle all of the things that I do.  Because I know that my future children will care SO much about that time I made salt dough ornaments with their mother, or got into that crazy motorcycle accident where I met Jim Carrey. Okay, so neither of those have happened. Yet. But I have complete faith that both of them will.  And on the off chance that they do, I will need a place to document it, virtually, of course, and this is that place.  Let's just hope all (both?) of you readers out there care more than my children will.  And to future Jim Carrey, sorry about the car door, but can I have your autograph?

My last reason for writing this blog is a little bit more selfish.  See, sometimes life can get a little boring.  Unless you look at it from behind a computer screen.  Suddenly, when writing a blog, that green jello salad you made last night becomes the most interesting and hilarious thing that has happened since the last time you posted.  So, I guess the last reason would be that I want to entertain myself.  And make life more interesting.  Because jello salad without a blog on which to post about it is just gross.

So, now that you know the motives behind my blog, and you're still here, we are completely safe to continue.  After a few words of safety.  Buckle up.  Keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and enjoy the ride.  You may want to have a trash receptacle nearby.  You might get queasy.

I know I will.